Today I listened (for a second time) to a sweet lady named Randa Jordan. She and her family are good country folks, gospel singers and Jesus loving Christians! I enjoy listening to their singing around the piano in their home as it reminds me of my own childhood doing the same. As a music director I love music and feel as though it opens the doors to a more intimate worship for me.
So it shouldn't be a surprise that in her message it was a song that led me to write this entry. The song Randa shared was entitled "Lord here's My Basket." (Gary D.) Before she sang she said "Don't let your basket go unused - be faithful - do what's right." I pondered on those word and the lyrics of the song for most of the night and well into today, so much so that when I returned from my morning run I was met in the quietness of the kitchen by our senior in high school Katherine.
Kate, as she is known by everyone, is a freckled face, pale skinned, flaming curly red head! She has the sweetest personality, loves people, love Jesus and dances to the beat of her own drum! Her goal in life (at this point) is to major in Chemistry and work for NASA; her science teacher mother is elated!! (LOL)
But today in the quietness of the still dim kitchen I asked her if I could talk to her about a few things that have been weighing on my heart. See Kate has been a competitive dancer (tap, clogging, jazz, lyrical, & point) for nearly 14 years. Not only is she a fabulous dancer but she is "Gifted" for vocal and theater in our district's Gifted/Talented program. These talents have lead her to decide she would like to try out for the university dance line in the fall.
Every morning I shut myself into a tiny closet in the back of our house (my war room) and pray specifically for my husband, our girls, and many many others. I explained to Kate I have been praying; she said she knew that, but that I cannot get peace about her following this path. That's when I brought up the lyrics of the song Randa had shared:
In each and every life there's a basket filled with goods.
Although it many not be used exactly as it should.
So many throw it all away or keep for themselves
While others they never use it, they just place it on a shelf.
Lord, I know that what you've done for me my basket can't repay.
But maybe with it you could feed some hungry soul along the way.
CHORUS:
Lord Here's my Basket, It's not much i know,
But take it and use it, Please don't refuse it
Maybe it will grow.
Although i could keep it i'll give it to you.
So Lord here's my basket you don't have to ask it's the least I can do.
I have always felt God had a mission field for Kate and has given her a multitude of talents that He is waiting to cultivate for His kingdom. As we talked Kate began to understand we've never pushed her (very introverted self) to pursue any of the talents she has. She said "Mama, God prepared all this. My voice, my love of dance, my theater interest, my ability to play an instrument, my comfort on stage, my interest in the Word and music, and my love of science and math." (YES LORD) - I literally started crying and laughing!!
It was at this point I explained - look in your basket baby girl - don't throw away the "goods" God is filling your basket with for a scrap of bread today. In other words, joining the dance line (although a fabulous group) is only going to allow her to use one of her talents, whereas looking to a larger "stage" that allows her to cultivate all her talents, has the potential to open the doors far wider, later down her "kingdom" road.
Keeping the lyrics of the song in perspective that "stage" could be campfire singing at a summer camp. It could be teaching VBS to children around the world, as she sings, dances and acts out Bible stories. It could be using her voice at NASA or a Children's Hospital like St. Jude to create solutions to problems that seem impossible to solve all the while giving GOD the glory. It could also simply be to sing her children to sleep at night..........
The point is my baby is leaving in a few shorts months. I need to know that her basket is filled with Godly goods and she is ready to sit at His feet and hand it to Him saying "Lord Here's my Basket. Take it. Use it."
As I close I will leave you with these questions "What are you filling your basket with?" What are you throwing away? Keeping for yourself? What are you not using and placing on a shelf? TODAY give your basket to the LORD and watch it grow.........
Thursday, April 30, 2020
Friday, April 17, 2020
Moving forward with education in the pandemonium of the pandemic
I have pondered this post for many days now in and among the pandemonium of education in the pandemic and here are my thoughts...........
For parents, you are getting a reality check of what education "really" looks like for your children. This may be good thing or a bad thing depending on your perspective.
Bottom line - quit blaming issues on educational jargon (Common Core) you hear the media tout. You are not expected to know all the pieces of every content. This is why teachers are trained educators and not just babysitters. Instead, do what you know to do! Your children should READ daily. Pick a book(s) they would enjoy. Your family can read it and talk about it. Your children can always review, learn, recite, write their math facts (addition, subtraction, multiplication, division). Even high school students can review things like memorizing squares and cubes!! Use free resources like Khan Academy to cover content they may have missed and or teach yourselves what you don't understand. Here is another secret, the curricula for all subjects is available for free online. In Louisiana you can find every lesson to be taught in the core content at www.louisianabelieves.com. You have access to everything your child is and should be learning. Engage! Don't look for excuses.
Communicate with your child's teachers. Take your children outside and plant a garden. Teach them how to change the oil in the car. Mercy, teach them that cursive penmanship everyone is worried about them not knowing. Watch documentaries with them. Teach them how to cook a simple meal. Teach them how to do chores like ironing. Paint the bathroom. Take virtual tours of museums, then have them research an artist and the historical time period. Train the whole family for a 5K. Read the news! Have meaningful conversation about anything!! Be a parent, set limits for social media for everyone in the house. Set a schedule for your children and for yourself. This is what teachers do every single day. Every minute of a school day is precisely planned and executed (including "free" time), because children need focus. If you are working from home, a schedule will really bring sanity to your life. You can do this! You have to parent, which mean paying attention to your child.
Educators (from the top down.....) Let's be honest! We ended school around March 13th. The state testing window (CBT) was scheduled to open March 30th. In the time between March 13th and March 30th many of the districts had Spring Break planned. SO - all these "skills and information" students are "missing" due to COVID-19 leads me to ask "How much content do you think was really missed in relatively ten more instructional days?" Here is the big secret. After the month of March, schools are in testing mode and that is really what happens. Testing! Most of us cover 80-90% of the content before April, because we spend April reviewing for the tests or giving the tests. Truth!
For those of us on a semester block, students probably are missing some vital content like geometry or biology where the content is specific. But even in Biology I planned for testing to start April 20th, so in my scope and sequencing I planned to be done with "vital" content long before then! Good teachers did the same. For content like English, these skills really spiral year after year. You can find the list of what they were supposed to read in the last units at the state department website. Have them read these selections. There are also practice state tests online for FREE! You should take these tests with your children. It will be an eye opening experience for you!
Lastly, curriculum is designed to be vertically aligned! (See Louisiana Believes for those resources). What does that mean?? It means that standards (skills) are aligned from K-12 so they build in progression. A 3rd grade ELA skill will be addressed in 4-12, but the level of complexity will increase. For example, students are required to analyze all sorts of text. The level of the texts increase over time and their skills build over time. Keep having them read and analyze. They will be fine.
Good teachers ALWAYS evaluate the previous years skills at the beginning of the year, take a critical look at data, and plan accordingly. The idea that we as teachers have left so many of those skills undone this year because of COVID-19 is mind blowing to me. As stated above your child should have had 80-90% of the content taught by March due to testing. Even subjects like Social Studies and Science have this progression of reading and writing from complex texts built in them and their content is often revisited multiple times over grade levels.
I'm NOT saying there are not issues or exceptions for parents and teachers. However, this idea that we need to start school a month early or add more minutes to the day to "catch up" is mind blowing to me!! We can't turn back time. Rather we can maximize the time we have in the future. We need to start discussing these issues. Let CLASSROOM TEACHERS have a seat at the table!!! Let CLASSROOM TEACHERS work to create lessons and assessments that are fair and equal to all students. Let CLASSROOM TEACHERS work to establish interventions! Then, let CLASSROOM TEACHERS teach! We are professionals. We demand to be treated like it.
For the small percentage of teachers who are not working like professionals, get it together or quit!!
Paula S. Callender & Dr. Amanda Mayeaux
Friday, July 19, 2019
This is all I have to offer you........
This is all I have to offer you..........
This is all I have to offer you, my strength
Wrap yourself in it when you feel the nausea of disease creep in
Wear it like armor
When your body wages war against the drugs
Stand firm on it
When your bald reflection says you are weak
Hold on to it
When the searing pain of endless needles pierce your skin
Hope for it
When the world says you will be a statistic
My strength is all I have to offer you
As I lie here watching you fight...................
This is all I have to offer you, my strength
Wrap yourself in it when you feel the nausea of disease creep in
Wear it like armor
When your body wages war against the drugs
Stand firm on it
When your bald reflection says you are weak
Hold on to it
When the searing pain of endless needles pierce your skin
Hope for it
When the world says you will be a statistic
My strength is all I have to offer you
As I lie here watching you fight...................
Lord only YOU can change ME..........a journey worth taking!
A few weeks ago our womens group at church (GROW) began a nine week journey with author Kay Arthur in her book titled "Lord only You can change me." (a study on growing in character from the Beatitudes)
To say this study has made me, or any of us, feel a "warm fuzzy" is a complete and utter lie! What it has done however is made a pretty "solid" bunch of Christian women really begin to question and reflect on our beliefs, our pursuit of those beliefs and what God's plan REALLY is for our lives. We are gradually learning the true character of GOD and what He longs for that character to look like in us.
Most of us have grown up in church. We know Bible verses, we know songs, we've heard hundreds of sermons but at this season in our lives...........we are looking for more! In this study - we are finding it. We are in need of it.
Please know that the following are MY thoughts. The comments and conversation shared in our group are confidential........................
Week One: "Getting Beyond our Masks!"
- Real Christian life - the genuine article - is never hypocritical - (K. Arthur)
- It is a lifestyle that can endure all the torrential storms of life and remain unshaken - (K. Arthur)
Read Matthew 5-7
-Those who enter the kingdom of heaven:
1- are poor in spirit (5:3)
2-are persecuted for righteousness' sake (5:10)
3-have a righteousness that even surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees (5:20)
4-obey God's will (7:21)
To say this study has made me, or any of us, feel a "warm fuzzy" is a complete and utter lie! What it has done however is made a pretty "solid" bunch of Christian women really begin to question and reflect on our beliefs, our pursuit of those beliefs and what God's plan REALLY is for our lives. We are gradually learning the true character of GOD and what He longs for that character to look like in us.
Most of us have grown up in church. We know Bible verses, we know songs, we've heard hundreds of sermons but at this season in our lives...........we are looking for more! In this study - we are finding it. We are in need of it.
Please know that the following are MY thoughts. The comments and conversation shared in our group are confidential........................
Week One: "Getting Beyond our Masks!"
- Real Christian life - the genuine article - is never hypocritical - (K. Arthur)
- It is a lifestyle that can endure all the torrential storms of life and remain unshaken - (K. Arthur)
Read Matthew 5-7
-Those who enter the kingdom of heaven:
1- are poor in spirit (5:3)
2-are persecuted for righteousness' sake (5:10)
3-have a righteousness that even surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees (5:20)
4-obey God's will (7:21)
Monday, August 8, 2016
Praying for Authorities...........
Praying for Authorities.................
"Actions and decisions made by people in authority create a significant impact on those within their sphere of influence - both good and bad." (Kendrick, 2015)
Yesterday afternoon our women's GROW group at Wallace finished up a study "The Battle Plan for Prayer, from Basic Training to Targeted Strategies." One of the last chapters was Praying for Authorities.
I've been pondering this chapter all week. At this time of year, as a teacher, and at this time in our nations history it has so many applications that I felt it needed several readings - and as usual the deep rich conversation from Christian women just solidified my thinking and my need for repentance and guidance..................
Here are my take-aways................
1.) Our authorities either help us in doing the will of God, or they make it harder for us to pursue.
--Think Moses and Aaron - here we have Moses following God's lead - no matter what - and then we have Aaron...the people get rowdy, he gets nervous, takes his eyes off God and sins. Moses is like "What are you doing?? TRUST GOD!" - even in his disgust Moses went again before the Lord on the peoples behalf (Exodus 32) -- Now that's a leader - sees his peoples imperfections, helps them right them and pleads before the Lord for them - WOW!!
The example we see is great authorities be it parents, coaches, principals, law enforcement, teachers or the president....either help us do the will of God, or they make it harder!
2) We are to pray for those in leadership roles....pray they would.........
--Pray they would be blessed, protected and prosperous (3 John 2)
--Submit to the authority and ways of God and His Word daily (1 Peter 2:13-20)
--Come to the knowledge of Christ and surrender to His lordship (1 Tim 2:4)
***Lead with honor, respect, wisdom, compassion and godliness (1 Tim 2:2)
--Use good judgment, pursue justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God (Mic 6:8)
--Walk in integrity, keep their promises, and fulfill their commitments (Ps 15; 112:1-9)
--Not get distracted or cower into passitivity, but embrace responsibility (Neh 6:1-14)
--Watch over, protect, lead and serve those in their care (Heb 13:17
--Respect all people without regard to their gender, race, religion, or social status (1 Peter 2:17)
--Hate evil, pride, injustice, and turn away from Satan's lies and schemes. (1 Peter 5:8)
--Establish rules and laws that honor God's law and strengthen families and cities (Deut 10:13)
--Reward those who do right and punish those who do wrong (Rom 13:1-5; 1 Peter 2:14)
--Refuse to take a bribe or allow favoritism in judgment (Ps 15)
--Become hard workers who faithfully fulfill their duties (Prov 6:6-11; Luke 12: 42-44)
--Makes choices based upon the fear of God, not the fear of man (Ps 34; Prov 9:10; 29:25)
--Be a godly example in their roles and responsibilities (Josh 24:15)
**prayers both them and for ourselves, that we who "keep watch over their souls" will take our responsibility seriously and perform it with great care and honor, knowing we will give and account for how we handle the job
3.) God's call is for us to realize that unless they are asking us to sin, our obeying authority, in all situations, is actually obeying HIM! And by praying for those in auqthority, we are working in the best interest of everyone.
---Government: pray for our countries leaders and elected officials, even those whose views differ from yours, knowing their leadership touches many people. God still uses imperfect authorities to carry out His perfect purpose. And the LORD can can turn any heart
--Bosses and Management: like all other authorities they are charged with four over-arching responsibilities 1) providing direction, instruction and an example to follow; 2) protecting with boundaries and rules; 3) praising those who do right; 4) punishing those who do wrong.; AND 5) pointing other to CHRIST!
--Any leader dedication his/her position to GOD, can be used as a force of spiritual change!
God Father,
I chose to pray for those in authority over me as a demonstration of my submission to You. Please draw them to salvation and give them a fear of the Lord in all their decisions. Use them to guide, protect, praise and discipline me in order that I might do Your will, even as I do the same for those under my authority. Use me to be a blessing. Grant me favor so I can daily help people live out their full potential under Your total authority and lordship.
(Kendrick, 2015)
"Actions and decisions made by people in authority create a significant impact on those within their sphere of influence - both good and bad." (Kendrick, 2015)
Yesterday afternoon our women's GROW group at Wallace finished up a study "The Battle Plan for Prayer, from Basic Training to Targeted Strategies." One of the last chapters was Praying for Authorities.
I've been pondering this chapter all week. At this time of year, as a teacher, and at this time in our nations history it has so many applications that I felt it needed several readings - and as usual the deep rich conversation from Christian women just solidified my thinking and my need for repentance and guidance..................
Here are my take-aways................
1.) Our authorities either help us in doing the will of God, or they make it harder for us to pursue.
--Think Moses and Aaron - here we have Moses following God's lead - no matter what - and then we have Aaron...the people get rowdy, he gets nervous, takes his eyes off God and sins. Moses is like "What are you doing?? TRUST GOD!" - even in his disgust Moses went again before the Lord on the peoples behalf (Exodus 32) -- Now that's a leader - sees his peoples imperfections, helps them right them and pleads before the Lord for them - WOW!!
The example we see is great authorities be it parents, coaches, principals, law enforcement, teachers or the president....either help us do the will of God, or they make it harder!
2) We are to pray for those in leadership roles....pray they would.........
--Pray they would be blessed, protected and prosperous (3 John 2)
--Submit to the authority and ways of God and His Word daily (1 Peter 2:13-20)
--Come to the knowledge of Christ and surrender to His lordship (1 Tim 2:4)
***Lead with honor, respect, wisdom, compassion and godliness (1 Tim 2:2)
--Use good judgment, pursue justice, love mercy and walk humbly with God (Mic 6:8)
--Walk in integrity, keep their promises, and fulfill their commitments (Ps 15; 112:1-9)
--Not get distracted or cower into passitivity, but embrace responsibility (Neh 6:1-14)
--Watch over, protect, lead and serve those in their care (Heb 13:17
--Respect all people without regard to their gender, race, religion, or social status (1 Peter 2:17)
--Hate evil, pride, injustice, and turn away from Satan's lies and schemes. (1 Peter 5:8)
--Establish rules and laws that honor God's law and strengthen families and cities (Deut 10:13)
--Reward those who do right and punish those who do wrong (Rom 13:1-5; 1 Peter 2:14)
--Refuse to take a bribe or allow favoritism in judgment (Ps 15)
--Become hard workers who faithfully fulfill their duties (Prov 6:6-11; Luke 12: 42-44)
--Makes choices based upon the fear of God, not the fear of man (Ps 34; Prov 9:10; 29:25)
--Be a godly example in their roles and responsibilities (Josh 24:15)
**prayers both them and for ourselves, that we who "keep watch over their souls" will take our responsibility seriously and perform it with great care and honor, knowing we will give and account for how we handle the job
3.) God's call is for us to realize that unless they are asking us to sin, our obeying authority, in all situations, is actually obeying HIM! And by praying for those in auqthority, we are working in the best interest of everyone.
---Government: pray for our countries leaders and elected officials, even those whose views differ from yours, knowing their leadership touches many people. God still uses imperfect authorities to carry out His perfect purpose. And the LORD can can turn any heart
--Bosses and Management: like all other authorities they are charged with four over-arching responsibilities 1) providing direction, instruction and an example to follow; 2) protecting with boundaries and rules; 3) praising those who do right; 4) punishing those who do wrong.; AND 5) pointing other to CHRIST!
--Any leader dedication his/her position to GOD, can be used as a force of spiritual change!
God Father,
I chose to pray for those in authority over me as a demonstration of my submission to You. Please draw them to salvation and give them a fear of the Lord in all their decisions. Use them to guide, protect, praise and discipline me in order that I might do Your will, even as I do the same for those under my authority. Use me to be a blessing. Grant me favor so I can daily help people live out their full potential under Your total authority and lordship.
(Kendrick, 2015)
Friday, August 5, 2016
Oh the Mustard Seed...........................
WOW - what a week the devil has thrown on me! (GROWL) - As I read the first words of today's devotion "I'm no quitter!" -- I literally laughed out loud! This week I have allowed the devil to convince me I'm a failure - that numbers on a piece of paper dictate my very existence as an educator and are what create value in my kingdom calling - what an idiot I've been.
Then I read about the mustard seed and thought "Hey, that's me!" --
WOW - what a week the devil has thrown on me! (GROWL) - As I read the first words of today's devotion "I'm no quitter!" -- I literally laughed out loud! This week I have allowed the devil to convince me I'm a failure - that numbers on a piece of paper dictate my very existence as an educator and are what create value in my kingdom calling - what an idiot I've been.
Then I read about the mustard seed and thought "Hey, that's me!" --
Matthew 13:31-32 “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”
- See I had forgotten the kingdom of heaven is in me - GOD is in me - HE alone has a perfect plan for my life. It's my job to feed and water that mustard seed of faith and stand back and watch HIM grow it......in me! Then hopefully, others (the birds) will come and seek out what it is in my life that causes this glorious growth and beauty that is JESUS...........
It reminded me of the song I sang as a child "He's still working on me, to make me what I ought to be.............."
So when satan, working in the world around you, determines to make you feel defeated and a failure, remember - you are a work in progress - be stubborn (persistent) for the KINGDOM calling GOD has placed on you and you will "move mountains" for GOD!
Dear Father,
I confess to You that my faith has been weak this week. Forgive me for giving in to doubts and fears. I know Your plan for me is certainty and hope!! Please help me face today with Your faith in my heart. Enable me to walk straight ahead through my fear, knowing You are with me. Remind me of the lives I have touched for Your kingdom through my years as an educator. If Your will is for me to move on or stay put, let me have total confidence through faith that it is Your plan. Today, I choose faith.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
So..........for the past few days I've been struggling with an issue. I've spent much time in prayer - I've spent much time weeping because I didn't know what to pray - feeling defeated - feeling unworthy - and unsure. As I woke this morning I looked to GOD once more for direction.........HE reminded me, through HIS word - HE was never the one who made me feel defeated, unworthy or unsure.......HE is the one who holds me under HIS sheltering wing - in HIS divine protection and always - always has a plan.......in HIM alone I will place my trust.....and when I fall short of my goals - HE alone will lift me up, set my feet on solid ground and give me direction for the kingdom work HE has for me! Today I'm renewed - I'm looking ahead and knowing in my heart that HE has a great work in store for me - for the sole purpose of HIS KINGDOM!
I pray if you are struggling with something today - this word will touch your heart and give you the same peace and direction it has given me!
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Comparison Kills Confidence..............
See Link Below:
So once again this "comparison" topic has raised its head in my daily devotion.....think GOD's trying to tell me something?? LOL - It's so easy to let others "attempt" to define, belittle and discourage us - but in those moments I remind myself I BELONG TO JESUS!! :)
I may not be the best wife, mom, teacher (coach), dance mom....etc... but I know I am not defined by what other wives and mothers accomplish or their talents nor as a teacher by some state "ranking" or other nonsense. My worth is clearly defined in GODs Word and HE alone will direct my path! So for those out there struggling - remember these key points:
Goliath fell at Davids feet - because David followed GOD
Daniel overcame the lions den - because Daniel followed GOD
Elijah called down fire from heaven- because Elijah followed GOD
The Egyptians were swallowed up by the sea - because Moses followed GOD
- those people who seek to STOP the work of GOD by making men and women of GOD feel defeated, discouraged and insecure (through comparison) WILL NOT HAVE VICTORY!! AMEN!! So quit looking to others to find your worth! Stop attempting to have control of your life and the lives of others! In everything you do put GOD first - do not make ONE decision personally or professionally without input from GOD first - then you will have no need to compare yourself to others because you will know with all certainty that GOD was in control in the first place!!
Comparison Kills Confidence..............
See Link Below:
So once again this "comparison" topic has raised its head in my daily devotion.....think GOD's trying to tell me something?? LOL - It's so easy to let others "attempt" to define, belittle and discourage us - but in those moments I remind myself I BELONG TO JESUS!! :)
I may not be the best wife, mom, teacher (coach), dance mom....etc... but I know I am not defined by what other wives and mothers accomplish or their talents nor as a teacher by some state "ranking" or other nonsense. My worth is clearly defined in GODs Word and HE alone will direct my path! So for those out there struggling - remember these key points:
Goliath fell at Davids feet - because David followed GOD
Daniel overcame the lions den - because Daniel followed GOD
Elijah called down fire from heaven- because Elijah followed GOD
The Egyptians were swallowed up by the sea - because Moses followed GOD
- those people who seek to STOP the work of GOD by making men and women of GOD feel defeated, discouraged and insecure (through comparison) WILL NOT HAVE VICTORY!! AMEN!! So quit looking to others to find your worth! Stop attempting to have control of your life and the lives of others! In everything you do put GOD first - do not make ONE decision personally or professionally without input from GOD first - then you will have no need to compare yourself to others because you will know with all certainty that GOD was in control in the first place!!
Monday, December 1, 2014
We were made to THRIVE!!
Enjoyed a great concert this past weekend with Casting Crowns, Sidewalk Prophets and Mandisa. It was a gentle reminder that we, as Christians, are made for more than merely surviving in this world; we were meant to THRIVE in it! Jesus and His disciples THRIVED - they dove deep into the teachings of JESUS - spreading the gospel and aiding those in need. They made mistakes but with intent ears and hearts they took the opportunity to listened to the Master as HE corrected and guided them back to their true north in Him. JESUS is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow - HE is waiting and HE will do the same for us............................We were made to THRIVE!!
Psalm 1 -- Jeremiah 17:7-8
http://www.takethethrivechallenge.com/thrive
Monday, July 28, 2014
This is all I have to offer you.............
This past Saturday I had the privilege of meeting a great poet and writer, Mr. Jimmy Santiago-Baca. During our time together Mr. Baca asked us to use his poem "I'm offering this poem ...." as a model to write our own version...........here is my attempt.
This is all I have to offer you..........
This is all I have to offer you, my strength
Wrap yourself in it when you feel the nausea of disease creep in
Wear it like armor
When your body wages war against the drugs
Stand firm on it
When your bald reflection says you are weak
Hold on to it
When the searing pain of endless needles pierce your skin
Hope for it
When the world says you will be a statistic
My strength is all I have to offer you
As I lie here watching you fight...................
This is all I have to offer you..........
This is all I have to offer you, my strength
Wrap yourself in it when you feel the nausea of disease creep in
Wear it like armor
When your body wages war against the drugs
Stand firm on it
When your bald reflection says you are weak
Hold on to it
When the searing pain of endless needles pierce your skin
Hope for it
When the world says you will be a statistic
My strength is all I have to offer you
As I lie here watching you fight...................
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Rouge to Orleans
(Location - Natchitoches...........member of the NSUWP Advanced Institute)
In the fall of 2012 myself and some very ambitious beautiful women (an one crazy man) set out on a journey of 126.2 miles. The Rouge to Orleans is a relay race that begins at the break of dawn in downtown Baton Rouge at the USS Kidd and ends in New Orleans at the Audubon Park. Living together for 24 hours in a 16 passenger van was an experience all its own but the real experience for me began the moment I took my first steps beside the river in Baton Rouge.............
I began running in 2010 when our daughter was diagnosed with Stage IV high risk Neuroblastoma. Running was my medication - my way of dealing with cancer when I couldn't deal any more. I had never been a runner before - I thought it would always be "cool" to say "I'm a runner........LOL.......I totally got more than what I expected!"
Before Rouge to Orleans I had run several races including a couple of 1/2's and even an obstacle course race. But nothing could have prepared me for the person I discovered on that long lonely cool night on the Mississippi's levee just me and my thoughts.............
(this writing is a work in progress...................)
In the fall of 2012 myself and some very ambitious beautiful women (an one crazy man) set out on a journey of 126.2 miles. The Rouge to Orleans is a relay race that begins at the break of dawn in downtown Baton Rouge at the USS Kidd and ends in New Orleans at the Audubon Park. Living together for 24 hours in a 16 passenger van was an experience all its own but the real experience for me began the moment I took my first steps beside the river in Baton Rouge.............
I began running in 2010 when our daughter was diagnosed with Stage IV high risk Neuroblastoma. Running was my medication - my way of dealing with cancer when I couldn't deal any more. I had never been a runner before - I thought it would always be "cool" to say "I'm a runner........LOL.......I totally got more than what I expected!"
Before Rouge to Orleans I had run several races including a couple of 1/2's and even an obstacle course race. But nothing could have prepared me for the person I discovered on that long lonely cool night on the Mississippi's levee just me and my thoughts.............
(this writing is a work in progress...................)
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Whispers of Hope
WOW - I love how when we pray for something..........GOD always shows up!
From Beth Moore's "Whispers of Hope" --
"Imagine this poignant scene. The child of God musters her last bit of strength to collapse before the throne of God. Words do not come - just groanings. They are not her groanings, though they emerge from so deep within, she thinks they are hers. The Spirit of God searches her heart, gathers her pain, and lifts it to the Father of all comfort. The Spirit of God, knowing both the depth of her agony and the will of the Father, can bring forth glory from even this. The Spirit insists the Father usher overflowing comfort. He urges the child of God to let the Father have His way. The Spirit prays for things the child of God could not bear to pray - that she lacks the courage to pray. The Spirit prays for glory." (Re: Romans 8:26) --
How awesome to be reminded that when we can't even speak the words in our hearts - and only tears or groanings come........the Holy Spirit intercedes for us before the Father and He hears our prayers.........
From Beth Moore's "Whispers of Hope" --
"Imagine this poignant scene. The child of God musters her last bit of strength to collapse before the throne of God. Words do not come - just groanings. They are not her groanings, though they emerge from so deep within, she thinks they are hers. The Spirit of God searches her heart, gathers her pain, and lifts it to the Father of all comfort. The Spirit of God, knowing both the depth of her agony and the will of the Father, can bring forth glory from even this. The Spirit insists the Father usher overflowing comfort. He urges the child of God to let the Father have His way. The Spirit prays for things the child of God could not bear to pray - that she lacks the courage to pray. The Spirit prays for glory." (Re: Romans 8:26) --
How awesome to be reminded that when we can't even speak the words in our hearts - and only tears or groanings come........the Holy Spirit intercedes for us before the Father and He hears our prayers.........
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Lillian Ryals update.....................
Lillian's surgery was a success. Doctors will know in a few days what the plan of treatment will be. Please continue to pray for her healing and comfort as she heals. Her pain is being managed but as we all know............there is still pain. I ask for a special prayer for her young mother Elisabeth (BB) as she sits by her bedside.
God Father - we ask you give strength and rest to Elisabeth. That YOU alone LORD would fill her thoughts with only healing for Lillian. Give her courage and focus to SPEAK YOUR WORD over Lil' and to boldly call out to YOU when she feels the devil closing in on her thoughts. Give her clarity of mind as You never have before. Strengthen her as YOU strengthened David-- God let her know - the BATTLE IS IN YOUR HANDS!!! AMEN
God Father - we ask you give strength and rest to Elisabeth. That YOU alone LORD would fill her thoughts with only healing for Lillian. Give her courage and focus to SPEAK YOUR WORD over Lil' and to boldly call out to YOU when she feels the devil closing in on her thoughts. Give her clarity of mind as You never have before. Strengthen her as YOU strengthened David-- God let her know - the BATTLE IS IN YOUR HANDS!!! AMEN
Monday, July 7, 2014
1 John 1:9 .........
OK -- so I'd like to follow up on verse from last night’s
Prayer Meeting. We are studying the Joshua Code and I’m reading Whispers of
HOPE by Beth Moore for my morning devotional. After last night’s study on 1
John 1:9 and consequently that morning
my devotional reading had been 1 John 1:9 – I decided to re-visited the
scripture….because I just knew I was missing something!! My study focused on this core point
"Without the cross - forgiveness and justice cannot co-exist."
Without the cross we would be hopeless - our confession of sin could only
bring a "just" verdict of guilty and a swift sentence of
"death" -- yikes!!
I re-read my devotion & the Joshua Code devotion and
thought "Lord, what am I supposed to find here?? ............" -- SO
-- I did a little reading in my Bible (duh, God's word is always the best
source) When I read this before I read the verse from my Bible but didn't
really read the commentary at the bottom.
At present, I am dealing with a person (who I believe is
wrestling with satan) really raining down some misery on me. During the day and
at night -- I walk around or drive and all I can do is literally cry or talk
out loud to GOD pleading with HIM to protect me, my family and my reputation
from this individual. HE is faithful and multiple times has protected me,
calmed my temper and kept my mouth shut - (BIG OBSTACLE) with this
person!
Anyway.......my commentary led me to Psalms (143 and several
others) -- Psalm 143 is a prayer for deliverance from enemies and for divine
leading! (LOL -- ain't GOD good!!!) - I began to read GOD's Word and
immediately felt relief -- and lots of laughing - because GOD once again just
amazes me!! When Alli was sick I read the Psalms many times - some of them out
loud to ward off depression and anxiety. It occurs to me that sometimes when my
life is going along smoothly I forget to be as diligent in prayer and reading
GOD's Word as I should be -- after all the devil is always on the prowl! But
when trials come I want to jump into complete and utter 24/7 communion with HIM
--
Which of course brings up back to 1 John 1:9 -- Forgiveness
is truly conditional, confessional and continual (Joshua Code). In order for us to feel that 24/7 communion
with GOD we must agree with HIM that "we have sinned, confess our sins
daily, and know true confession leads to true
forgiveness........................huh - guess GOD really did want me to
re-read 1 John 1:9! (Yes, I'm laughing out loud)
I don't know what compelled me to write this morning (GOD?)
- But I have been reading and studying since early this morning and I couldn't
wait to share GOD's goodness with whomever HE intends to read this…………..
God's love and mine,
Prayers for a friend...........
Dear family and friends,
I am writing today to ask for prayer for a dear family. Our friends the Ryals family have a daughter (5 y/o) who has been diagnosed with Wilms Tumor. (looking like Stage 2) - Liliian, is to have surgery today to remove the encased kidney and then chemo to follow. I will update when I have more details.
Lillians sweet mama is named Elisabeth - and I've had the privilege of watching her grow up from about Lil's age to the beautiful woman she is today! It is heartbreaking to Doyle and me to watch this precious mama - who is so special to us - suffer this road of cancer! We knew our CB Family was SO BIG that this was the best place to send out our prayer request!! So we lift up Lillian, Elisabeth, Will and their families to you all for prayer and above all to the LORD JESUS CHRIST! (Psalm 30:2 - Oh Lord my God - I cried out to You and YOU HEALED ME!!)
AMEN
I am writing today to ask for prayer for a dear family. Our friends the Ryals family have a daughter (5 y/o) who has been diagnosed with Wilms Tumor. (looking like Stage 2) - Liliian, is to have surgery today to remove the encased kidney and then chemo to follow. I will update when I have more details.
Lillians sweet mama is named Elisabeth - and I've had the privilege of watching her grow up from about Lil's age to the beautiful woman she is today! It is heartbreaking to Doyle and me to watch this precious mama - who is so special to us - suffer this road of cancer! We knew our CB Family was SO BIG that this was the best place to send out our prayer request!! So we lift up Lillian, Elisabeth, Will and their families to you all for prayer and above all to the LORD JESUS CHRIST! (Psalm 30:2 - Oh Lord my God - I cried out to You and YOU HEALED ME!!)
AMEN
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Leaving Home
I don't have any great epiphanies to share early this morning; just a few thoughts rolling around in my head. I've recently accepted a job at a neighboring school in our district. I'm thrilled at the new opportunity. It's a chance to leave my classroom and do what I've wanted to do for sometime now....teach - teachers.
But as excited as I am to be starting something new, I'm also broken at leaving home. Pleasant Hill is a small rural north Louisiana community of approximately 700 - good, God fearing, Bible reading, power praying, "give you the shirt of their backs" kind of people. It's just a little piece of southern heaven.......mixed appropriately enough with a little dab of small town "hell" at times too (LOL). But all in all it's my home!
I will miss the halls I've walked since I was a child. I will miss the smell of my classroom and the familiar laughter of my students I've had for years. I will miss my colleagues, most of whom I went to high school with. I will miss the comfort my girls felt, the ease at which they roamed the building and visited with other teachers (calling each of the "Aunt"......) -- I will miss the family who clung to us physically and spiritually as we walked the road called "childhood cancer." .........there are many things I will miss........
And yet, as I sit here and think of all I will miss, the irony becomes all to clear and it causes me to laugh out loud. My new school is only 10 miles up the road. :) It too is a small piece of southern heaven and is a place where I began my teaching career so many years ago. Although the familiarity is different....it's still familiar. I am confident that the things I will miss in leaving will soon become the things that comfort me in my new school. Already I've roamed the halls - remembering students and teachers. Already I've laughed with past colleagues and gotten to know new ones. Already people have asked about "Alli" and sought to make both girls feel welcome and at home. Already I've begun to get my feet on solid ground and begin the process of figuring out who I am and what I expect of myself and what is expected of me.
When I look back at the things I will miss and the things that lie ahead I realize that I've come "full circle" in my teaching career. As I struggled with "leaving home" the decision was made easier because I felt a sense of "going home" in the decision also.............so...........there's the epiphany! -- I'll always have ties to my home town - my home school - my childhood - my friends - my family!! But I also know that wherever I am that is home too! I have new relationships to forge and old ones to rekindle-- how awesome is that!!!!
So to my sweet family and friends at PHHS ......... it is with a heavy heart that I leave your hallowed halls. I love you and will miss you. And to my new family at CHS - thank you - for welcoming me back and making me feel like I've never "left home" -- God's love over each of you............
Jeremiah 29:11 -- For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord................. :)
But as excited as I am to be starting something new, I'm also broken at leaving home. Pleasant Hill is a small rural north Louisiana community of approximately 700 - good, God fearing, Bible reading, power praying, "give you the shirt of their backs" kind of people. It's just a little piece of southern heaven.......mixed appropriately enough with a little dab of small town "hell" at times too (LOL). But all in all it's my home!
I will miss the halls I've walked since I was a child. I will miss the smell of my classroom and the familiar laughter of my students I've had for years. I will miss my colleagues, most of whom I went to high school with. I will miss the comfort my girls felt, the ease at which they roamed the building and visited with other teachers (calling each of the "Aunt"......) -- I will miss the family who clung to us physically and spiritually as we walked the road called "childhood cancer." .........there are many things I will miss........
And yet, as I sit here and think of all I will miss, the irony becomes all to clear and it causes me to laugh out loud. My new school is only 10 miles up the road. :) It too is a small piece of southern heaven and is a place where I began my teaching career so many years ago. Although the familiarity is different....it's still familiar. I am confident that the things I will miss in leaving will soon become the things that comfort me in my new school. Already I've roamed the halls - remembering students and teachers. Already I've laughed with past colleagues and gotten to know new ones. Already people have asked about "Alli" and sought to make both girls feel welcome and at home. Already I've begun to get my feet on solid ground and begin the process of figuring out who I am and what I expect of myself and what is expected of me.
When I look back at the things I will miss and the things that lie ahead I realize that I've come "full circle" in my teaching career. As I struggled with "leaving home" the decision was made easier because I felt a sense of "going home" in the decision also.............so...........there's the epiphany! -- I'll always have ties to my home town - my home school - my childhood - my friends - my family!! But I also know that wherever I am that is home too! I have new relationships to forge and old ones to rekindle-- how awesome is that!!!!
So to my sweet family and friends at PHHS ......... it is with a heavy heart that I leave your hallowed halls. I love you and will miss you. And to my new family at CHS - thank you - for welcoming me back and making me feel like I've never "left home" -- God's love over each of you............
Jeremiah 29:11 -- For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord................. :)
Monday, July 15, 2013
One Spark!
This was in my Bible Study a few days ago: "Saying Yes to GOD" (Proverbs 31 Ministries)
" You may be thinking, my yes can't affect others like this. I don't have that kind of influence. But we cannot even begin to understand the plans God has for us. There is always a far-reaching ripple effect when a woman says yes to God. We don't have to see the spread of the influence to know it's there. The power of saying yes to God is beyond anything we could ever imagine."
As I mentioned before, lately I've had this nagging feeling, a constant ache in my soul for those in my community that are lost! But I confess I often feel very motivated but very small and unable to complete the task. I know scripture says "I can do all things through Christ..." (Philippians 4:13) but saying it and doing it are two very different things. Then, as my friend Cindy sent out our daily Bible Study she asked us two important questions that really got me thinking.
1) Is your soul on fire for the Lord?
Reading these statements reminded me of when I was a little girl. My grandmother and mother taught me a song. Part of the lyrics were "it only takes a spark to get a fire going....and soon all those around can warm up in its glowing...." - But what is a spark?
Spark: (noun) -- A small fiery particle thrown off from a fire, alight in ashes, or produced by striking together two hard surfaces such as stone or metal.
A small fiery particle - when we come to know the LORD as our Savior we agree to take forth the message of the gospel. We agree to be the "Light of the World" (John 8:12). Jesus is the LIGHT (fire) and we are the sparks that "go forth" from that Light. We provide light in the darkness that is the world (alight in ashes - ashes are black - like darkness) Lastly, we are not made to light the world on our own. God has left us a helper in the form of the Holy Spirit but HE has also left you with other believers. We are to "strike against" one another for love, comfort and direction when we feel our light fizzling out.
Just like the song above says, one spark starts a fire, believers come together to fan that flame and then ALL those around can warm up in the glowing light that is Jesus Christ.
Are you ready to say YES to GOD? Are you ready for your YES to impact the Kingdom of GOD? Are you ready for your light to start a fire in your community??
2) Do you really have a burning desire to know HIM more? (Cindy's second question)
So ---what happens to a spark if it is left alone? If it is not fed? Simply enough it burns out.
When we come to know Christ as our Savior there is only ONE way to keep that fire burning in us. It is to be constantly connected to the fuel source!!
side note--I'm utterly confused at "Believers" who just come to church on Easter and Christmas, or worship at home through TV (except for home bound individuals), or just come on Sunday mornings, or just seek GOD's counsel when life gets hard.......I apologize - but it confuses my simple mind - because I KNOW that in my daily life if I don't surround myself with GOD, HIS WORD and HIS people, I'd get swallowed up by the dark ash!!
I know in my life there have been times when I have given GOD more lip service than actual Kingdom service. Sundays that I just wanted (and did) to stay in the bed. I've utter words like "It's my only day off." or "I don't like....." -- believe me -- we all have.
BUT - about 10 years ago my life changed -- My family and I became members of Wallace Baptist Church. Don't get me wrong - we didn't get up, walk down the aisle, put our name on the roster and all of a sudden become some "Awesome" Christians ('cuz we are SOOOO NOT) -- however, when I officially joined WBC I knew instantly that I had joined a family of believers. HOW??
This was clearly recognizable because they are a community of believers who everyday live the fruits of the spirit. (Gal 5:22-23) They constantly and prayerfully "Do good to all people." (Gal 6:10) -- let me tell you..........when you surround yourself with like minded people, who are faith talkers and faith walkers; it's kind of hard to not want to be one yourself!! IF you WANT to BE ON FIRE for the LORD and for your life to HAVE IMPACT -- then you must have a CONSTANT fuel source!!
GOD's Word, Prayer and faithful believers are the recipe for SUCCESS!! Think about it this way..........Jesus - knew and referenced GOD's Word, HE prayed, and surrounded himself , with men and women who had a DESIRE to know HIM as their Savior. If we are to strive to be like Christ...........how can we do any less??
In closing....I would ask that you be in prayer for me as I continue to seek GOD's will for my life and HIS words for whatever is written here. My heart and the heart of several others in my church family are completely burdened for young women, young couples and families.....
Will you be a spark that starts a fire today???
P
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Good Morning,
This morning as I sit and write my mind is literally everywhere! There are so many wonderful things that are happening in our lives yet so many tragic things that are happening all around me. It's hard for me to write in a public place all the things I think and feel because sometime it comes out sounding like "its about me" and I truly know it's not.
This time last year I had a friend who was making preparations for her child to pass away; this year I'm doing the same thing. If I haven't mentioned it before - let me tell you - I hate cancer! I don't know what to say to these moms, parents, grandparents. I know some people perceive this as a lack of concern from me but I must confess it's not........it's sheer guilt. Even as I write the word, tears stream down my face. Mothers losing their children sets my body and mind into a comatose state where all I can do is...........exist. If I feel this way......I can only imagine the pain that mother must feel.
Then there's the mother who waits patiently for results from a "scan" just to hear those dreaded words -- there seems to be something.......or a phone call to return to the hospital....there's a spot......
I wish I could tell you that I walk away from these situations believing everything will be just fine in the lives of these families; but the truth is I don't. Instead I running weeping like a child to GOD crying, I cry in the car, in the tub, in bed at night, in the dark when I can't sleep. I weep for these mothers, for them to know that I don't understand any more than they do! I weep pleading with God "What can I do??" "Where can I minister??" "What do I say?" --I'm just a simple woman who knows that the GOD I serve truly LOVES me, LOVES them, and ONE DAY.....as David said (2 Samuel 12:23) I will go to where my loved ones are.
Easier said than done? Maybe.....but what else do I have to hope for? It's taken me almost 40 years to build the confidence in GOD that in the dry seasons of my life, He is the only Living Water that will truly quench my thirst. My thirst for answers, my thirst for understanding, my thirst for a vision of what my purpose here on earth truly is. I've also learned that a thirst isn't quenched with just a passing sip. We must commit ourselves to drink of the waters every hour of every day.........
For me, my thirst became evident 10 years ago and the road to how I could quench that thirst has been revealed to me over and over again by the interceding of Godly people. REAL Godly people. Men and women who knew GOD's Word, studied it, placed it in their hearts, and most importantly LIVED it daily. Their testimony showed me what GOD's Living Water looked like, tasted like and felt like when I submersed myself in it. Not when tragedy befell me but daily, moment to moment, a constant companion HE must be. The past 10 years of my life I have had the most spiritual growth by surrounding myself with men and women (Wallace Baptist Church) who aren't just routine Christians....they are true disciples of the Living Lord - Faith Talkers and Walkers -
When devastating moments happen in our lives we have a choice - we can wonder in the wilderness or we can find refuge in the LORD. We find security in the refuge of the Lord (love Psalm 91) along with peace and ultimately clear understanding. I've said it before and I'll say it again; I hate cancer! However, in the words of Jake Hess - "I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now!"
I recently read a story of a young man who had gotten into trouble laundering money and set out to kill himself to avoid the shame he had brought to his family and the consequences he knew he would face (Facing Your Giants- Max Lucado) Praise GOD he couldn't do it. He did ultimately face jail time but because he had "sipped" from GOD's Living Water throughout his life he knew who the LORD was and knew it was time to "belly up to table and drink heartily!" He found HIS refuge in GOD and upon his release, he surrounded him self with a church family who mentored him, gave him BREAD to eat and WATER to drink and is now a Senior Pastor at one of the fastest growing churches in Kentucky! WOW --
My point?? :) My journey has taught me a lot. But the most important thing I think I've learned is that Christians aren't immune to hurt. As I walk daily with HIM I might face circumstances that I can't fathom or understand. But when I surrounding myself with HIM, with GODly people, drinking in HIS Living Water, submersing myself in who HE is and who HE wants me to be my burdens grow light and my mission and ministry becomes clear.
On the day we found out Alli had cancer, we didn't fall down and cry out asking God why? Did that mean WE had that much faith??? (NO!) -- It just meant that WE knew then what WE know now OUR GOD is OUR only HOPE! My friend Stacie stood in my living room and held me by my shoulders, looked straight into my eyes and asked "Are you ok?" I smiled and answered her with a confidence I cannot explain "Yes! She's not ours - she belongs to GOD and HE can and will do with her what HE desires!" I don't know where those words came from - but I know I meant them then and I mean them now - even as heart wrenching as it is to say and write them......I know it's true!! Even when the doctors told us our chances were 50/50 -- (and really not even that good) -- I just smiled (very goofy like) and said "Well, that's what you say - we'll rely on the Lord!" -- my only explanation?? I just didn't believe any medicine on earth or any physicians hand could heal her -- only THE GREAT PHYSICIAN was gonna be able to pull this one off.
When I tell that story I reminded, women of greater faith than me have pleaded for their loved ones and GOD has chosen to take them anyway. Why? I have NO answer! But it doesn't change my faith or my belief that the GOD I serve LOVES us and purposes our lives for good.........in all situations.
I can tell you that when our daughter was riddled with sores, couldn't eat and on the verge of what appeared to be death.......I had a hard time seeing GOD's goodness (I'm ashamed to the point of tears) - but even now my tear stained face remembers those images and how all I could do was lay a towel by her bed, kneal and plead with GOD - crying out - to make it stop!!! Knowing the STOP maybe to take her home with HIM!
I didn't know then what I know now....that GOD used Alli's cancer to heal so many. That our prayer for salvation for others through Alli's journey was really being answered!! I didn't and couldn't know those things then because GOD's purpose was for us to trust HIM fully, in all circumstances -- knowing that the outcome only belongs to HIM for the sole purpose of the glorification of HIS KINGDOM! Sometimes -- we can't know and will never know GOD's plan (reasons) ........that's why it's called FAITH!
I know I need to close (I've been reading and writing for almost 2 hours) -- but I don't know how to end.........Writing is SO very personal to me that I'm always afraid to put it out there.
But there is a thought that comes to mind. My journey was and is bearable because I struggled; because I had to lay aside ALL the things of MAN and rely on GOD alone! Only when I did that did I see clearly - the man GOD had given me to walk this journey with me, the family, friends and church GOD had given me for support and most importantly I saw the CHRIST - GOD had provided for me. When I began to seek GOD, HIS will and HIS way alone -- I knew that we would be ok -- whatever the outcome.
Today - I leave these words --Do you know GOD? Do you know that when bad things happen GOD has not left you? Do you have a place (physical place) where you can go, to find other believers who will give you GOD's Word to feast on? Who will pray with you, love you and help reveal to you GOD's ministry for your life? I pray that you will seek that place - that you will seek GOD and when you find HIM - you will hold fast to HIM!
This morning as I sit and write my mind is literally everywhere! There are so many wonderful things that are happening in our lives yet so many tragic things that are happening all around me. It's hard for me to write in a public place all the things I think and feel because sometime it comes out sounding like "its about me" and I truly know it's not.
This time last year I had a friend who was making preparations for her child to pass away; this year I'm doing the same thing. If I haven't mentioned it before - let me tell you - I hate cancer! I don't know what to say to these moms, parents, grandparents. I know some people perceive this as a lack of concern from me but I must confess it's not........it's sheer guilt. Even as I write the word, tears stream down my face. Mothers losing their children sets my body and mind into a comatose state where all I can do is...........exist. If I feel this way......I can only imagine the pain that mother must feel.
Then there's the mother who waits patiently for results from a "scan" just to hear those dreaded words -- there seems to be something.......or a phone call to return to the hospital....there's a spot......
I wish I could tell you that I walk away from these situations believing everything will be just fine in the lives of these families; but the truth is I don't. Instead I running weeping like a child to GOD crying, I cry in the car, in the tub, in bed at night, in the dark when I can't sleep. I weep for these mothers, for them to know that I don't understand any more than they do! I weep pleading with God "What can I do??" "Where can I minister??" "What do I say?" --I'm just a simple woman who knows that the GOD I serve truly LOVES me, LOVES them, and ONE DAY.....as David said (2 Samuel 12:23) I will go to where my loved ones are.
Easier said than done? Maybe.....but what else do I have to hope for? It's taken me almost 40 years to build the confidence in GOD that in the dry seasons of my life, He is the only Living Water that will truly quench my thirst. My thirst for answers, my thirst for understanding, my thirst for a vision of what my purpose here on earth truly is. I've also learned that a thirst isn't quenched with just a passing sip. We must commit ourselves to drink of the waters every hour of every day.........
For me, my thirst became evident 10 years ago and the road to how I could quench that thirst has been revealed to me over and over again by the interceding of Godly people. REAL Godly people. Men and women who knew GOD's Word, studied it, placed it in their hearts, and most importantly LIVED it daily. Their testimony showed me what GOD's Living Water looked like, tasted like and felt like when I submersed myself in it. Not when tragedy befell me but daily, moment to moment, a constant companion HE must be. The past 10 years of my life I have had the most spiritual growth by surrounding myself with men and women (Wallace Baptist Church) who aren't just routine Christians....they are true disciples of the Living Lord - Faith Talkers and Walkers -
When devastating moments happen in our lives we have a choice - we can wonder in the wilderness or we can find refuge in the LORD. We find security in the refuge of the Lord (love Psalm 91) along with peace and ultimately clear understanding. I've said it before and I'll say it again; I hate cancer! However, in the words of Jake Hess - "I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now!"
I recently read a story of a young man who had gotten into trouble laundering money and set out to kill himself to avoid the shame he had brought to his family and the consequences he knew he would face (Facing Your Giants- Max Lucado) Praise GOD he couldn't do it. He did ultimately face jail time but because he had "sipped" from GOD's Living Water throughout his life he knew who the LORD was and knew it was time to "belly up to table and drink heartily!" He found HIS refuge in GOD and upon his release, he surrounded him self with a church family who mentored him, gave him BREAD to eat and WATER to drink and is now a Senior Pastor at one of the fastest growing churches in Kentucky! WOW --
My point?? :) My journey has taught me a lot. But the most important thing I think I've learned is that Christians aren't immune to hurt. As I walk daily with HIM I might face circumstances that I can't fathom or understand. But when I surrounding myself with HIM, with GODly people, drinking in HIS Living Water, submersing myself in who HE is and who HE wants me to be my burdens grow light and my mission and ministry becomes clear.
On the day we found out Alli had cancer, we didn't fall down and cry out asking God why? Did that mean WE had that much faith??? (NO!) -- It just meant that WE knew then what WE know now OUR GOD is OUR only HOPE! My friend Stacie stood in my living room and held me by my shoulders, looked straight into my eyes and asked "Are you ok?" I smiled and answered her with a confidence I cannot explain "Yes! She's not ours - she belongs to GOD and HE can and will do with her what HE desires!" I don't know where those words came from - but I know I meant them then and I mean them now - even as heart wrenching as it is to say and write them......I know it's true!! Even when the doctors told us our chances were 50/50 -- (and really not even that good) -- I just smiled (very goofy like) and said "Well, that's what you say - we'll rely on the Lord!" -- my only explanation?? I just didn't believe any medicine on earth or any physicians hand could heal her -- only THE GREAT PHYSICIAN was gonna be able to pull this one off.
When I tell that story I reminded, women of greater faith than me have pleaded for their loved ones and GOD has chosen to take them anyway. Why? I have NO answer! But it doesn't change my faith or my belief that the GOD I serve LOVES us and purposes our lives for good.........in all situations.
I can tell you that when our daughter was riddled with sores, couldn't eat and on the verge of what appeared to be death.......I had a hard time seeing GOD's goodness (I'm ashamed to the point of tears) - but even now my tear stained face remembers those images and how all I could do was lay a towel by her bed, kneal and plead with GOD - crying out - to make it stop!!! Knowing the STOP maybe to take her home with HIM!
I didn't know then what I know now....that GOD used Alli's cancer to heal so many. That our prayer for salvation for others through Alli's journey was really being answered!! I didn't and couldn't know those things then because GOD's purpose was for us to trust HIM fully, in all circumstances -- knowing that the outcome only belongs to HIM for the sole purpose of the glorification of HIS KINGDOM! Sometimes -- we can't know and will never know GOD's plan (reasons) ........that's why it's called FAITH!
I know I need to close (I've been reading and writing for almost 2 hours) -- but I don't know how to end.........Writing is SO very personal to me that I'm always afraid to put it out there.
But there is a thought that comes to mind. My journey was and is bearable because I struggled; because I had to lay aside ALL the things of MAN and rely on GOD alone! Only when I did that did I see clearly - the man GOD had given me to walk this journey with me, the family, friends and church GOD had given me for support and most importantly I saw the CHRIST - GOD had provided for me. When I began to seek GOD, HIS will and HIS way alone -- I knew that we would be ok -- whatever the outcome.
Today - I leave these words --Do you know GOD? Do you know that when bad things happen GOD has not left you? Do you have a place (physical place) where you can go, to find other believers who will give you GOD's Word to feast on? Who will pray with you, love you and help reveal to you GOD's ministry for your life? I pray that you will seek that place - that you will seek GOD and when you find HIM - you will hold fast to HIM!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
A thought worth revisiting
Apr 8, 2010 8:53 AM
Good Morning,
Alli woke this morning at 7:45 by saying "Mommy, I'm hungry." So she and I got up and headed down to the dining hall here at the RMH. She has about 2 bites of her Fruit Loops and was done.
I suffered through all my "diet" oatmeal and a cup of coffee and we wondered back to the room.
Hopefully this will stay down. Last night she wouldn't eat anything resonable like I wanted her to...NO...she had to have McDonalds Chicken Nuggets and Fries. She ate them, and then they made a re-peat appearance. Needless to say, we threw that towel away!! So this morning she listened to me when I said "Let's just take is slow today."
Alli is such a strongwilled little girl that sometimes it is best to let her learn on her own. As disgusting as that lesson may have to be for the rest of us!! In the hospital she would give you this frown and purse her lips when she wanted you to leave her alone. I think her first words after surgery were "NO."
She has marveled the doctors, nurses and therapist by "doing it herself," and not wanting anyone's help. She will tell you where to stand and how to help her. It's pretty funny!! They brought her a walker..HA HA! She just looked at that lady but we didn't use it.
When she gets aggravated she just cuts her eyes at you and refuses to talk to you. Which is fine for everybody else but when she does it to me I always tell her "Look heifer, I'm the one that's gonna be here when everybody else leaves." That may not be the most loving words but they always seems to jolt her back into reality!! Because in about 2 minutes it's "Mama, I love you" or "Mama, can I sit with you." .........see...a heifer!! HA HA HA
Anyway, as you can see we have good days and bad days; which is normal! What amazes me is the resiliance of this little child. She really is "tough as a boot!" Several nurses have asked her where she gets that hardheadedness from, of course I always point to Doyle!! It is definitely NOT one of MY characteristics!! (Funny Right?)
Seeing Alli's fight has reminded me daily that no matter what I am feeling physically or mentally it is NOTHING compared to what she is dealing with.
I always hear people say how resiliant kids are, so I was wondering, a what point in life do we lose that? Where do we forget that life is a battlefield and we are to be warriors of Christ? If we aren't "pressing-on" then who is? If we aren't fighting for Christ, then who is? If we aren't telling the world then what are they hearing? If we aren't showing the world then what are they seeing?
STOP, LOOK and LISTEN!! Look at society, the family, the home, our schools, your communities. Listen to your government and world leaders. WHO are the people with the loudest voice? Are they Christ's people or satan's. It's a scary thought isn't is?
My prayer is that we are raising two little girls who will "press-on" even when it would be easier to jump the fence and "go with the flow." Because we know that a strong-willed heart, a determined mind, and a love for Christ are the things that little girls SHOULD be made of!
Praise GOD!!
Phil. 3:14 " I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus!"
PS....what is the prize you are pressing on toward? Money? Recognition? Youthfulness? Status? I pray today that your goal is Jesus Christ!!
Loving you all,
Paula
Good Morning,
Alli woke this morning at 7:45 by saying "Mommy, I'm hungry." So she and I got up and headed down to the dining hall here at the RMH. She has about 2 bites of her Fruit Loops and was done.
I suffered through all my "diet" oatmeal and a cup of coffee and we wondered back to the room.
Hopefully this will stay down. Last night she wouldn't eat anything resonable like I wanted her to...NO...she had to have McDonalds Chicken Nuggets and Fries. She ate them, and then they made a re-peat appearance. Needless to say, we threw that towel away!! So this morning she listened to me when I said "Let's just take is slow today."
Alli is such a strongwilled little girl that sometimes it is best to let her learn on her own. As disgusting as that lesson may have to be for the rest of us!! In the hospital she would give you this frown and purse her lips when she wanted you to leave her alone. I think her first words after surgery were "NO."
She has marveled the doctors, nurses and therapist by "doing it herself," and not wanting anyone's help. She will tell you where to stand and how to help her. It's pretty funny!! They brought her a walker..HA HA! She just looked at that lady but we didn't use it.
When she gets aggravated she just cuts her eyes at you and refuses to talk to you. Which is fine for everybody else but when she does it to me I always tell her "Look heifer, I'm the one that's gonna be here when everybody else leaves." That may not be the most loving words but they always seems to jolt her back into reality!! Because in about 2 minutes it's "Mama, I love you" or "Mama, can I sit with you." .........see...a heifer!! HA HA HA
Anyway, as you can see we have good days and bad days; which is normal! What amazes me is the resiliance of this little child. She really is "tough as a boot!" Several nurses have asked her where she gets that hardheadedness from, of course I always point to Doyle!! It is definitely NOT one of MY characteristics!! (Funny Right?)
Seeing Alli's fight has reminded me daily that no matter what I am feeling physically or mentally it is NOTHING compared to what she is dealing with.
I always hear people say how resiliant kids are, so I was wondering, a what point in life do we lose that? Where do we forget that life is a battlefield and we are to be warriors of Christ? If we aren't "pressing-on" then who is? If we aren't fighting for Christ, then who is? If we aren't telling the world then what are they hearing? If we aren't showing the world then what are they seeing?
STOP, LOOK and LISTEN!! Look at society, the family, the home, our schools, your communities. Listen to your government and world leaders. WHO are the people with the loudest voice? Are they Christ's people or satan's. It's a scary thought isn't is?
My prayer is that we are raising two little girls who will "press-on" even when it would be easier to jump the fence and "go with the flow." Because we know that a strong-willed heart, a determined mind, and a love for Christ are the things that little girls SHOULD be made of!
Praise GOD!!
Phil. 3:14 " I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus!"
PS....what is the prize you are pressing on toward? Money? Recognition? Youthfulness? Status? I pray today that your goal is Jesus Christ!!
Loving you all,
Paula
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